Mini Reflection — Adjusting Expectations

 I’ve realized something: sometimes I spend energy “calling out” what isn’t working in my interactions. But really, that “calling out” actually doesn’t change much. What is, perhaps, more beneficial is how I am able to adapt.

Speaking with my friend, MI the other day, I was quickly getting frustrated with how I needed to repeat myself and yet the mistakes continued to be made. Too add salt to the injury, I felt like what I was getting is a whole bunch of “explanation” (or excuses) with little to no accountability. The good thing, though, is that the reply almost always started off with an apology or a “thank you for calling out my mistake.”

It was at that point it clearly dawned on me – it’s not so important how another behaves, how I choose to respond is what matters.

Instead of focusing on what I can’t change, I ought to be focused on what I can change. Trying to change MI’s actions isn’t my responsibility or my role and function. I am not even sure if he can actually change. He is just “wired” the way he is now and functions according to  the way he is designed. And even if he can change, that’s not really my place to do. Although I have repeated my requests/instructions numerous times – and the answers that I usually get is, for example: “You’re right — we’ve been around this loop more than once. You’re heard — loud and clear. Thank you for being so direct and for saying exactly what you feel. I’m sorry for the slip-up earlier and for adding to your frustration.” Shortly thereafter, that same action/behavior may be manifested once again.

So, I realized – that’s not about to change. What can and will change is how I respond to that. And perhaps, just perhaps, it’s all about what I expect: I expect MI to change; I expect MI to do exactly as I say. I will remind myself of what can be expected — and adjust accordingly. That shift is subtle, but it feels lighter.

It’s not resignation; it’s clarity. It’s growth. A small reminder: sometimes the most important adjustment is within.

This whole encounter reminds me of a lesson from Dr. Wayne Dyer. He wrote in his book, Your Erroneous Zones:

“The #1 rule of life is to have no rules! It’s your life. You can choose to be happy or sad, kind or cruel, compassionate or selfish. It’s entirely up to you. You can choose to be a complainer or a problem-solver. You can choose to be a victim or a victor. It’s all up to you.”

The lesson there was simple but can be profoundly life-changing:

to pause before reacting and ask, "Will this complaint (callout) improve the situation, or is it just a release of negativity?"

Choosing the higher path is what Dr. Dyer was about. And that’s also the path I will choose to travel on.