Friday, September 26, 2008

Control Issue

Have you ever noticed how some people just love to argue? It would almost seem like the only reason they argue is just for the sake or arguing. Sometimes it gets to the point you don't even know what the heck they are talking about - but they just go on and on arguing their rubbish.

Whoa! Wait a minute - perhaps we all do that to some extent or other, huh? When I consider another person to be arguing up a storm of rubbish - perhaps it is wiser to stop and observe myself. From the other person's point of view - I am probably "arguing for the sake of arguing." Maybe this is what so many great "masters" (Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, James Redfiled - to name but a few) advocate we stop and observe ourselves. Don't be the "thinker." Be the "observer" of the "thinker."

In his book, The Celestine Prophecy, James Redfield address this in the Fourth Insight. He says "... psychologist were already searching for reason humans sought to control each other." (p.88) He goes on to say on that same page, "... dominating another makes the dominator feel powerful and knowledgeable, but it sucks the vital energy out of those who are being dominated. It makes no difference if we tell ourselves that we are doing it for the person's own good, or that they are our children, and therefore we should be in control all the time. The damage still occurs."

Later in page 121, Redfield writes "Getting rid of this habit (of controlling) isn't easy beacuse it is always unconscious at first. The key to letting go is to bring in fully into consciousness, and we do that by seeing that our particular style of controlling others is one we learned in childhood to get attention, to get the energy moving our way, and we are stuck there. The style is something we repeat over and over again. I call it our unconscious control drama."

E. Tolle in his book, The Power of Now, also refers to this drama. And in his book, Practising the Power of Now, he suggests the way for us to free ourselves from this is "listen to the voice in your head." (p.10) On page 11 he goes on to say, "This is what I mean by 'watching the thinker,' which is another way of saying: Listen to the voice in your head, be there as the witnessing presence."

So continuing to practice the Power of NOW in my own life - I will do what I can to observe my own need for this "power struggle" and "drama" and the act of arguing senselessly just to prove myself right. Who cares at the end of the day whether you were right or not. If you think you are right - and the other person is wrong, it's not my responsibility to prove them wrong. Let's learn to let people live in their own illusion while we live in our own. :) For NOW, I will ignore un-necessary debate.

3 comments:

PEOPLE :) said...

-arguing- which a tired sports .. :(

mayb is a stage to performs of their own skill.. hehhe

observer is a enjoy part that u can know n learn a lot in life...

thinker n creator is a challenging n also a high skill to learn..as ur title -control issue - thinker must b also a creator ... then its can plan n control all something unbelievable u may not knowing also....

mayb i not so professional ad u in the field of psychologist... but i know if something u look into deep as a observer .. then u do from tat being a thinker n plan ... u can be a creator... might also a psychologist canot study on u cos u have a plan n already control the situation...

Hahaa.. mayb confusing u leh ...
anyway being a observer n speechless in ur life may b happy in ur life...enjoy the life with fantasy n peacefulll .. no regret in the end...

somehow we duno wat next ...:) cheers...

Syl said...

err ok. I am confused. But that's ok - keep writing. After all like u said, we write for ourselves, right? =)

Shirley said...

True true true...there are certain point of time, we don't have to argue about it. But there are some times, for me lah, cannot tahan, I will just feedback my thoughts and then fullstop. Heeee....

But you see ah, some people are just trying to "win". Meaningless lah I feel.

But whatever it is, everyone has their own standpoint. :)

Aiya, H.U.M.A.N.