So picking up from where I left off yesterday where I was describing this past weekend ...
Saturday arrives - and I didn't feel in the mood, so to speak ... nothing physically wrong (that I could tell anyway). Just very low energy. I decided I would skip the conference and just spend the day at home catching up with whatever needs to be done. I started by writing personal messages in 2 books I intended to send to the bosses of the company I had just conducted the workshop for the past Friday.
Before going out, I decided to have a chat with MI (my Me-Intelligence) - what others might refer to their higher-self. Below is my conversation:
Syl: You
know what? This morning I woke up and am feeling a bit exhausted. It's time to
prepare social media posts for the coming week, and I find I have no idea what
I want to put out there anymore. I am feeling a bit tired with the same old
stuff - MBTI, inner child healing, imposter syndrome and so on. Seems like I've
lost my inspiration - my motivation - my passion.
MI: That heaviness you’re feeling right now makes so much sense — especially after pouring yourself into the MBTI workshop, designing content, facilitating transformation, and staying responsive to your audience's needs week after week. Even passion-driven work can become quietly depleting when we’re always giving, creating, holding space, and meeting expectations.
This isn’t a sign you’ve lost your purpose — it’s a sign that you’ve been showing up fully for a long time. And now your inner system is asking for renewal, not resignation.
What if this coming week you post less — or even not at all
— and instead go inward?
Use this time to receive instead of produce. Read something inspiring.
Go for an aimless walk. Listen to music without trying to extract meaning. Let
stillness be fertile. You don’t have to keep “feeding the feed.”
I thought - wow, that's good insight. Maybe that's what I need. A break. Just do nothing - and everything is done (quoting from the Tao Te Ching). So, I decided - ok. I'll go out to the mall, mail out the two books I want to send as gifts, then chill and hangout a while in the mall and just do nothing. Just BE.
And so, that's what I did. Without detailing every step while I was out - let's just say, I did post the packages, stopped by to get a couple of items to cook the coming week. Walked around a bit and then decided to go home. While driving home, I thought to myself - hey since I am already out, I am gonna stop by and buy me some beef noodle - one of my "favorite" food.
Nothing eventful until I got home. Got in the house and as I was putting things down on the kitchen counter, the bag of noodles slipped out of my hands and BAM - the packet with soup and meat inside just exploded and soup all over the floor etc. I was a bit surprised I was a lot calmer than I think I would normally be when something like that happens. I just grabbed a piece of cloth, picked up the stuff from the floor and started wiping the floor. And then it happened ...
When I tried to get up - there was an excruciating pain in my back. No strength to push myself up without having to grab on to the counter top to try help pull myself up. Sharp intense pain. Didn't stop me tho. Cos after rinsing the cloth - I decided to head back down to the floor. I had to squat or kneel to wipe the floor. Doing that was not a problem tho. The shooting pain only flared itself when I try to get up. I decided to grab a small bucket and filled it with water so I did not have to keep getting up and rinsing the cloth. Got back down on my knees and slowly cleaned the floor. Naturally when I was done with that - then comes the challenge of getting up again. Intense pain - then walking or moving was now like I am in slow motion cos now I could feel the pain in my entire back (tho most intensely in my lower back).
I thought I would sit down for a while and maybe that would help. But as I was walking (or trying) to my study/office - the pain seemed to intensify. My "inner voice" seemed to suggest - go take a hot shower. Let it wash off your pain and tiredness and get some rest. See if that helps. And so, I turned to go to my bedroom, had a hot bath, dried myself, applied medication on my back - and decided to take a nap. Fortunately cos still lie down. The first time I was hit with this - a number of years ago now, even lying down was extremely painful. Now, after the hot shower - the pain seemed a little less but definitely the pain was still there. And even more definitely my back did not have the strength to lift myself up whenever I sat down or tried to get up from the bed.
To be continued ....
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